Is This My Body's April Fools Joke?

It's hard not to feel like that one's being shuffled off to the next doctor in line when in reality that is what's happening. We're living in a nation of specialists so minutely defined that even the surgeons divvy up responsibility.

Four doctors who deal with our hearts - at least in my world - are now divided into electricians, plumbers, and the two other guys who don't do surgery.

It takes a committee to diagnose and treat us

And at this point I could use a committee because I don't really understand what's happening; I just know something is happening. I've been writing and researching this week in reaction to how lousy and scared I feel, but I'm actually sleeping a fair amount too - meaning not getting up until late morning or even afternoon - and lying down during the day fairly often.

This sense of being totally depleted and filled with what I can only call dread is not one that I've had before, so it's freaking me out a little.

But even if I don't have a feel for what's going on exactly I do know that I don't have much left to pull out when it comes time to stand up or sit up. My chest isn't comfortable when I lay down. My pulse is still as weak as it was two weeks ago, so says one of my caregivers. I keep wondering who takes their own pulse but a hypochondriac so I don't do it myself. Better not to know.

Protein, acupuncture and vitamins

I teased someone on twitter yesterday saying I was going to keep bacon in the bedside table drawer for protein snacks and that blueberries (antioxidant superstars) sounded good on steak (protein). Honestly I have decided that it's only fair to give protein, acupuncture and vitamins a fair chance to help me feel at least a little better.

Totally clear of cancer? I don't know how realistic that is and it's not my major concern. I don't want to be housebound or bedridden. If I could feel well enough to go to dinner with the family regularly or meet someone for coffee - wow. It would be a goal I'd love to be able to achieve sometime before summer.

They don't make House Calls

Thursday are two more appointments. One will likely help in that it soothes and nourishes part of me that other things can't really get a grasp on.

The other is to go over things with my primary care doctor who I haven't seen since I was diagnosed. Likely she will not be happy that I seem to be going downhill rather than up. And I fear that it will probably involve getting shuffled around, with decisions handed off to someone else. The trouble with that is that I don't have the energy to go to see one more person.

That said, it's back to George Washington Hospital to see the surgeon on Monday. Can we do a second surgery yet? Am I up to it? Is he for it? I don't know. But I'm open to ideas.

Comments

[Susan]

A good friend of mine, a mother of a two year old and an eight month old, was recently diagnosed with a rare type of breast cancer. I just want to tell you how brave I think you and she both are, and that even though I don't know you, you are in my thoughts. Stay strong. You will beat this.

Susan from Charlotte, NC