Less Boobage Awaits

It's 3:30 AM and I leave at 9AM for the hospital. It could be that I'm a little nervous.

Most everyone knows that I'm  going in for surgery and that it will complete this phase of the rebuilding of my breast after it was removed because of a sudden cancer diagnosis in December 2007 but I haven't said much beyond that.

The process of having a balloon surgically inserted inside the muscle wall to expand it, then gradually injected with saline every few weeks was a laborious one but it was the safest for me given my health history. It involved frequent drives into DC for visits to the office of my surgeon and getting to know some really nice staff at George Washington Hospital faculty medical building. I'll take photos with them next time I see them since It's been a memorable journey and you should meet them.

So tomorrow around noon I get wheeled in to have my chest muscle expander removed and Doctor Chang will then clean out the  capsule and a semi-permanent implant will be added to that pocket created within the chest wall. My other breast will be reduced in size to match the new implant. (I won't even start on the story about nipples.)

Looking for a silver lining I look forward to having 40 year old breasts instead of 60 year old breasts. I'd like to hope for 20 but that's too much to ask in the best case. I can tease Doctor Chang that  I'll be expecting perky but that's as far as that goes.

Since he will be leaving George Washington University for New York at the end of July I am very glad that I will be able to complete this process with the surgeon, Raymond Chang, in whom I have faith and with whom I have developed a good relationship since we first met in December.

His advice has been caring and tailored to my situation. I've never felt pressure to do things his way and I appreciate that immensely.  He's handled my moments of doubt with calm and reassurance, always focusing on what my feelings and needs were.

And I did have doubts. Vacillating between complete removal of the second breast for prophylactic reasons to lessen the chance of recurrence, having no reconstruction at all, opting for a different type implant; I was all over the place. There were many moments of doubt. Well - being truthful, there were days and weeks of doubt.

But Doctor Chang was always interested in my feelings and even the rest of my cancer treatment including what my reactions to oncologists and other doctors were. And when I was at my most vulnerable he was at his most understanding and helpful, showing a genuine effort to not be the cold surgeon but to emphasize that all women are different, have different needs and reactions; he encouraged me to be patient and understanding with myself.

I'd be lying if I said I wasn't apprehensive. I've not had surgery at George Washington before and don't know the system, the rooms, the process. And this time I'll have drains on both breasts - double the pain. I don't know if my husband can spend the night like he did at Sibley and Reston Hospitals. This time I'll have two sore arms and two sides of my chest painful for the week or two after surgery. Dealing with fatigue has been a problem already and I can't imagine that this will make it better. And pain control has been an ongoing issue.

I try not to think that they could possibly find another cancer when they're in there doing their thing. But it does pop up into my mind. More than that I know that another surgery means being out of commission even further and makes more work for my number three daughter who remains my caretaker, nutritionist, sounding board, and who's been forced into the role of private-duty nurse and go-fer.

Then there's the issue of a whole new anatomy to get used to. If there is a change or thickening in the newly shaped breast tissue will I be able to identify it? I don't know.

I anticipate coming home Thursday. But I'll probably do a lot of sleeping even through the weekend and hope I can get daughter #2 to come over and relieve little sister a couple of times during that time. The good news is that this is the last surgery for awhile, knock on wood, and the rest of the family should be able to get back to a relatively normal life soon.

Meanwhile I try to figure out what I'm doing with hormone therapy - and where. . .  and if I think that lab results  from bone scan, CT scan and x-rays interpreted as "no clear evidence of cancer" should merit another look-see by someone more curious and thorough.

What can you, my readers and friends do? Don't hesitate to offer to kidnap me for dinner or lunch, coffee or drinks in a week or so. Yes a meal delivered - no soy - would be grand or a gift certificate for a restaurant that delivers or does pickup might just be the right thing to have. Other options are books on tape. Or I  could just go stir crazy and need someone to spring me, get me out of the house. Thinking about it, it's more likely that Kate aka twitterer Badwolf will need to be sprung on her own - to a movie or a bar just to talk and  to vent like anyone who'd been cooped up with me for weeks would need to.

I'm just looking forward. Only a few more days wearing bras is something to look forward to.

Comments

[thaumata]

Susan, I hope everything goes smoothly today and that your recovery is fast. I just wanted you to know that I was thinking about you today and if I were in town I wouldn't hesitate to come visit.

xoxo,
thau

[Tony]

Susan,

Our thoughts and prayers are with you. We will be awaiting to hear on Twitter how you make out. Big hugs for you sweetheart!

xoxo,
Tony

[Brian]

I wish you the very best for your surgery...keeping thinking PERKY!

Brian
http://beyondtheglassdoor.blogspot.com/

[Mary (aka mtkr)]

If you don't already have one, you might want to get an account at Audible.com. They have a fantastic selection of audio books. If you get a monthly plan it works out to be extremely inexpensive. You can also cancel your plan whenever you want. And folks can buy gift certificated.

I'm not associated with them, even though I sound like a commercial. I just think they have a great service.

I'm thinking about you and your family today.

Mary

[Shari McConahay]

Hi Susan,

I am thinking of you and sending positive, "perky" thoughts your way and wishing you a speedy recovery!

Hugs, (but not too tight!)
Shari
: )

[Smitty]

Susan,
You don't know me, I just happened to go to the flickr group Frozen Pea Friday and found myself here - just in time to say that I, too, am praying good things for you. My wife's mom has just been through this as well, and as a man, I have no understanding of these things, but I'm out here thinking of you, for what that's worth.

Rest well. There's apparently an army of folks out here that care a great deal about you. Seems like a nice group for me to join.

[Maria]

Hoping that things go well for you today. Prayers and gentle hugs.

[drt]

Yes, me too. :-) I also keep you in our nightly prayers. Get well soon, Susan.

[whymommy]

Still thinking good thoughts and praying for you over here ... all the MothersWithCancer are standing beside you in this, eager to hear that you're feeling ok after surgery.

[whymommy]

Still thinking good thoughts and praying for you over here ... all the MothersWithCancer are standing beside you in this, eager to hear that you're feeling ok after surgery.

[whymommy]

Still thinking good thoughts and praying for you over here ... all the MothersWithCancer are standing beside you in this, eager to hear that you're feeling ok after surgery.