My Cancer

"It's not sleepy tired. A nap really doesn't solve the problem. It's more just physical exhaustion. I tell myself that it's just my body, using its resources to fight the disease. I hope that's true. But there are times where I lie down for what I think will be a short nap and wake up hours later.

"But it's more than just being physically tired. You get tired mentally. You get tired of fighting sometimes. Tired of telling yourself it will be OK. Tired of telling your friends that you're fine, and acting like it's true. Just tired of dealing with it all: the doctors, the shots, the pills, the cancer"

Leroy Sievers wrote that two years ago. And yet he kept moving on.

Last week I tweeted that when Leroy blogged that he had a toy dog in bed with him my heart was breaking. I wondered how much more I could read without being totally overcome with sorrow at his decline.

Then on Friday distant thunder and deep booming explosions rolled across the Washington area, making it sound more like a war zone than any storm I'd ever experienced. It brought with it a feeling of unease. Maybe foreboding, but who can say in hindsight.

And within hours Leroy was gone.

Leroy told the story I am too afraid to face head on to start talking about it more frankly. He talked about the doubts about treatment vs no treatment for what is after all a disease that will kill us. He disliked the term "survivor" and admitted he was a difficult patient. My kind of guy.

And now?

I am indeed heartbroken. And I will so miss his voice.

NPR: My Cancer

Comments

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(((Hugs)))

[Linda]

He sounded so special. I know your pain; I felt similarly with the death of my nephew.

Of all the acknowledgements received from family and friends, none have been more impactful than the cake and the prayer gift package I received from a dear relative.

The gift package included a cake, a very nice scripture, and a personal prayer message. I'll cherish the scripture always, because it came in a beautiful dark wood frame.

Losing someone is indescribale, however, experiencing the loss thru the kindness of other and their inspiring words will be unforgettable.

Blessings and peace to you during this year of transition.